* Defining Moments series *

This series demonstrates God's love and grace, despite our precarious missteps

Perpetuate or De-escalate

Do you get frustrated while driving? Of course, not about your amazing motoring skills, but others’ vehicular maneuvers.

Is your patience tested when self-absorbed shoppers block the aisles for what feels like an eternity? So close to that must-have item on the grocery list, yet so far. Sigh.

Do you daydream of a better life, free from “those” drivers and shoppers, with hopeful thoughts of never waiting at gas pumps, store checkouts, or drive-thru services? Oh, happy day!

However, we face an imperfect world filled with flawed humans and frustrating moments. How we interact in those exasperating scenarios determines the outcome. Will it be a non-memorable event or escalate into conflict and avoidable tragedy? Too often, heartbreaking news stories describe overreactions to everyday circumstances which spin out of control.

Sometimes we can feel like an emotional pressure cooker, needing to release steam. Outwardly, we may remain calm, yet inwardly a battle rages over the urge to unleash fiery words or self-justified action. Thus, our humanity, in all its ugliness, lay before us.

The good news is we can turn to God for wisdom and answers. The following prayer illustrates my process of seeking freedom from those internal struggles. Perhaps you can relate.

Lord, I give you frustration, anger and the need for justice, as seen through my eyes. I ask forgiveness for my ungodly internalization and the unrest it generates. Forgive me for allowing emotions to steal joy and inner peace. Thank you for being a calming voice of truth amid the turmoil.

Lord, teach me how to shift my thinking to align with yours. Give me your perspective and direction. I pause in silence, awaiting your response.

BK, many people live a selfish and self-centered life. Why are you surprised? You expect them to display basic godly values and principles, to treat each other with honor and respect. However, they don’t know me or my ways.

OK Lord, I get your point.

BK, prepare yourself. Fill up on godly resources prior to leaving home. What you feed on influences your choices, good or bad. Watching MMA (mixed martial arts) and boxing isn’t good for you.

But Lord, I think it helps me to relax.

BK, all that violence and aggression are the opposite of my love, compassion and patience. Give it up and you’ll see a difference.

OK Lord, draw me toward what you know I need.

BK, rather than watching confrontational content, meditate on the word de-escalate. You have prayed to be an instrument of godly peace. De-escalate situations by smiling, showing patience, courtesy, honor and respect, even when people don’t deserve it. Those who lash out the most need me the most. Each encounter is an opportunity for your words and actions to penetrate the darkness and draw them toward my light.

Lord, yes. Help me to always reflect your truth and light.

BK, in the sixth grade, a new boy bullied you for three days in a row. On the fourth day, you asked him why he picked on you since you did nothing to provoke it. At first, he didn’t have a reason. But then he told you he just moved there and didn’t have any friends. You invited him to be your friend as long as he stopped picking on you. You became very close friends for many years.

I see your point, Lord. The root of a person’s behavior may surprise us. You know how to unlock the mystery and shift the outcome. I accept your invitation to stop watching MMA, to prepare my heart before leaving home, to mediate on de-escalate.

That conversation with God transpired months ago. Here are some highlights as I have meditated on de-escalate.

#1 - One of my regular prayers is for God’s protection. I believe he was showing me to cooperate with that prayer by following his instruction to de-escalate. The goal is to develop that mindset and heart attitude until it becomes an automatic response. I may never know what horrible situations God thwarted or deterred because I obeyed him, rather than continuing in my old mindsets and responses.

#2 - I saw nothing wrong with watching MMA and boxing, thinking of it as relaxing and a good thing. Yet, when I gave it up as God requested, I didn’t feel penalized. I felt revitalized! That was his personalized instruction for me. It may be different for you.

#3 - Instead of frustration regarding others’ actions, each encounter is an opportunity to show godly kindness, compassion, patience, and love. God drove the point home when he highlighted, the ones who lash out the most are the ones who need him the most.

#4 - We can perpetuate the horrendous behavior reported in the daily news or we can be God’s de-escalators. God gives us free choice.

#5 - This scripture was highlighted: James 3:17 (NLT) “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy ...”

The Bible tells us the world will grow darker with increased violence and destructive behavior. I asked God how to deal with it. He knows me better than I know myself. I have his personalized and life-giving answers.

Would you like his customized help? If so, the questions below will help jumpstart the dialogue.

• Are you struggling with patience, self-restraint, and anger? If so, ask the Lord for the solutions to these struggles.

• Do you feel like a pressure cooker, needing to let off steam? If so, ask the Lord how to release steam in a godly way? Better yet, ask how to avoid the pressure from building up?

• What are you filling up on? Is there something greater God wants to offer you instead?

• Are your words and actions perpetuating relationships in a positive or negative direction? Ask the Lord how to grow in these areas.

• What is God asking you to de-escalate in your marriage, family, workplace, community, church…?