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Approval Removal

God's Kindness Quest Series

My parents taught me from birth 

Approval and acceptance define my self-worth

 

It was imperative to be the star of the game or recital

Sounds of approval were my idol

 

I lived for people’s applause; it’s true

Clapping hands instilled my value

 

They reinforced my efforts with praise

Feeding my need to be #1 always

 

I lived for everyone’s accolades 

Coveting the trophies and straight A’s

 

Self-confidence turned into arrogance and pride

To hide the endless need for praise deep inside

 

Climbed higher and higher up the corporate ladder

Discovering years later, it didn’t matter

 

When company cutbacks became an issue

No one handed me a tissue

 

How could they fire me after the sacrifices I made

Available 24-7, the great price I paid

 

Felt no self-worth as I sat alone

Nobody to perform for, even at home

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The family left long ago, due to my neglect

Spent all my time working; what did I expect

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Lost everything, nothing turned out as I planned

Why did it take such heartache to understand

 

Performing for approval was never the answer

Only God’s love can eradicate that cancer

 

Couldn't give away what I didn't contain

God’s love and acceptance, I was unable to retain 

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Opened my heart to God; striving is no longer the goal

His love and acceptance soothes my soul

 

God’s love, I can now give away

For I receive it fresh each new day

 

My self-worth is no longer defined by people’s approval

God’s love was all I needed for its removal

Interactive Questions

Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV), "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

  • What emotions, memories, thoughts, convictions, or inspirations bubbled up while reading the poem?

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  • Father God, what do you want me to know about my answers to the previous question? 

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  • Are you afraid of disappointing others; seldom say no to requests for fear of damaging relationships; or reluctant to speak up if you have a differing opinion? If so, describe. ​​

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  • Do you accommodate everyone else's requirements or needs, neglecting yourself? If so, describe. 

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  • We are graded throughout life by school report cards, job performance reviews, social media rankings, etc. These systems are based on performance driven standards which create a tendency toward comparing ourselves to others. How have you developed ungodly mindsets and habits because of those systems? 

    • Examples: pride, low self-esteem, fear of failure, basing your self-worth on other's grading systems.  ​​​

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  • Lord, what do you want me to know about the ungodly mindsets and habits I listed?

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  • Lord, what do you want me to know about those grading systems?

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  • What patterns of striving for people's acceptance and approval have you adopted?

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  • How did the striving take root? Was it an isolated event, or an accumulation of influences? 

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  • What negative repercussions resulted from striving? 

    • Examples: failed relationships; lack of vacations or time off; poor health; burnout; your efforts paid off until it ended poorly; you are successful by worldly standards but feel hollow inside; lack of peace and joy; endless pursuit of more - never content, etc.​​

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  • ​Lord, you know all things. What drives my need for the acceptance and approval of others? 

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  • Lord, how will my relationship with others change if I no longer define my self-worth by their acceptance or approval? 

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  • Lord, Scripture tells us you came to serve. What is the difference between serving as you did versus me serving out of my need for acceptance and approval? ​​

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  • Do you feel unsure of who you really are as an individual, with the authentic you buried underneath the weight of making sure you keep everyone else happy? If so, describe. 

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  • Father God, describe the authentic me, your original design? 

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  • Do you feel you have a special place in Father God's heart or do you try to earn his love and acceptance? Describe. 

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  • Father God, from your perspective, how have I tried to earn your love and favor? 

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  • Father God, what do you want me to know about those efforts?

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  • How has Father God soothed your soul in the past with his love and acceptance?

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  • Father God, in what area of my life would you like to apply your love and acceptance today? 

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  • Father God, is there anything else you want to share with me at this moment?

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Prayer

James 5:16 (NLT),  "... The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.​"

Lord, I thank you for the godly people in my life. Others have been detrimental influencers. I have allowed their words of rejection and criticism to take root in my heart. I repent for allowing their words, actions, and attitudes to define my value and worth. I forgive those individuals and cut all ungodly ties.

 

Forgive me for performing to be good enough, acceptable enough, financially stable enough, and secure enough, in order to achieve acceptability and belonging. Lord, forgive me for doing the same with you, wondering if I’ve prayed enough, read enough Scripture, served enough, given enough, or spent enough time with you. I give you my checklist of things to accomplish, as well as my attempts to earn your favor and blessing. 

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Father God, thank you for deeming me worthy ‘enough’ to knit me together in my mother’s womb. You have deemed me worthy ‘enough’ to send Jesus to die for my sin. You have deemed me worthy ‘enough’ to never leave me nor forsake me, sending me the Comforter, Holy Spirit. I now realize my value and worth aren’t in what I do. It’s in what you have already done. I know this in my head. Help me receive it, believe it and live it, absorbing it fully into every fiber of my soul. 

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Jesus, teach me how to serve others the way you did, free of ungodly motives or tainted objectives. Show me how to cooperate with you, in order to live in my authentic, godly identity. Amen.

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  • Lord, what did this prayer activate in accordance with James 5:16?

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  • Tweak the existing prayer as desired or craft a new personalized one.

Scripture

2 Timothy 3:16 (NLT), "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true ..."

Galatians 1:10 (NLT)

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”

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Romans 11:6 (NLT)

"And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved."  

 

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

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  • List meaningful Bible verses which come to mind regarding this poem, the interactive questions, and prayer.

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